Bonding Chronicles: An Akatsuki Tale
by SaphireWolf
Summary: What happens when Pein loses his patience with his Akatsuki subordinates? Music Night. A calamity that none of them will ever forget. Rated T for Hidan's mouth, though most is censored. Will eventually transer into Naruto category.


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Hello readers, this is Saphirewolf! I've not yet been able to publish any stories (none are complete yet) but this is a short one that me and my sister His Black Rider thought up while we were listening to music, and since we are both Narutards, we were hit with a little inspiration. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of its characters, nor do I own the song _Awake_ by Godsmack.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Tobi, if you don't shut up within the next 15 seconds, I am going to KILL YOU!" shouted the blonde Akatsuki member with menace. Deidara's threat fell on Tobi's tone-deaf ears. The orange mask-wearing partner continued belting out his obnoxious tune with glee.

"Oh_ merry sunshine, come out and play with me!_

_Play with my dollies three, climb up my apple tree,_

_Slide down my rainbow, and through my bedroom door,_

_And we will be best friends, forever more!" _He ended the verse's final note with an almost inhuman screech, like a triumphant finale.

"Five…..four….three….two…." Deidara counted off and made a step towards Tobi, his hand already reaching into his bag of clay.

Tobi paused and cocked his head at Deidara innocently. "Does Deidara-sempai not like my song? Tobi will sing another one that Sempai is sure to love!"

"No Tobi, don't-"Deidara was cut off by a new tune.

"_If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands! (Clap clap)_

_Even if they have their own mouths clap your hands! (Clap clap)_

_If you blast things with explosions,_

_And you have wild emotions,_

_If you're Tobi's Deidara-sempai, clap your hands! (Clap clap)" _Tobi beamed at Deidara who had just finished flinching with the final claps. "Sempai..?" Tobi asked uncertainly.

"Well Tobi….." He began quietly. "I can't be the sempai of someone who's DEAD!" Deidara finally bellowed "Come here, yeah!" Deidara charged at Tobi with murderous intent.

Tobi shrieked, spun on his heels, and started sprinting at his incredible speed out of the room towards the main hall of the Akatsuki hideout. Deidara's hands had just produced a number of small clay birds which he sent flying off after him…

**Meanwhile in another part of the Akatsuki lair...**

Pein and Konan were sitting quite comfortably in the lounge of the lair. Pein sat reading a book on efficiency in the workplace, while Konan sat and fiddled idly with origami, making various flowers and butterflies which floated lazily about the room. Suddenly the peaceful air in the room turned chaotic when Tobi came rushing in and dove underneath the coffee table in the center of the room. Following up behind him came the clay birds, and a little ways down the hall, Deidara's voice could be heard.

"Katsu!" The room ignited with light and sound as the airborne bombs blasted apart at his command. Chairs went flying into splintered bits, dry wall peeled off the walls, and flames swirled in the air turning Konan's paper to ashes. Suddenly the destruction was halted by Pein, who used his own power to halt the shockwave from extending to him and Konan, and then compressed it away. He then stood up slowly just as Deidara came skidding into the room, his eyes wide and his mouth gaping in alarm at his leader's expression.

"Deidara…." Pein said fixing his hard gaze at the trembling blonde. "Tobi…." He summoned the whimpering member out from under the remains of the table. "Call in the others. We are going to have a meeting. Now!" His voice remained low and authoritative as he dismissed them from the room to call the others, but the look in his eyes were enough to know that he was furious.

**A few minutes later….**

"Man, why the f### did leader-sama have to call a meeting now? I was just about to start my ritual to Jashin!" Griped Hidan as he and Kakuzu entered the office of Pein. Deidara and Tobi were already inside fidgeting uncomfortably in their seats, and Itachi and Kisame filed in behind the Jashinist and his partner. Meanwhile, Pein sat waiting behind his desk with Konan standing by his side, and in that moment Zetsu emerged from the wall in the back corner of the room.

Kakuzu ignored his question and merely stood waiting for Pein to explain the meeting's purpose. The orange-haired leader finally spoke.

"Now that everyone is present, we will begin." He announced. "It has been brought to my attention as of late that Akatsuki isn't functioning as it should be." He declared. "This is caused by the conflicting interactions within your two-man cells, and a troublesome streak of misbehaviors within the base. I speak most recently of today's incident where Deidara, in an attempt to destroy Tobi, ended up nearly destroying the lounge. "He stated. Kakuzu's eyes narrowed angrily at the thought that he would most likely have to cover the expenses of repairs for the lounge.

"Wha? So you mean we're all getting chewed out for what those two f###ing idiots did? Why don't you just punish the f### out of the two shitheads?" Hidan demanded irritably.

"Silence, Hidan. The entire group is to blame for this meeting. You did not forget that it was you who had been caught painting the entire southern hallway with a coat of blood just a week ago, did you?" Pein asked him reproachfully.

"Aw hell, I was only doing that because Jashin-sama called me to do it, Damnit! I shouldn't be persecuted for my religious duties!" Hidan protested.

"That is not all." Pein continued. "That same day I discovered that Kakuzu had been abducting travelers on the road and selling their organs for money. Not only does this draw unwanted attention to the Akatsuki, but I also have very strong reason to believe that it was from those that Kakuzu abducted, that you got your blood supply from." Pein pointed out gruffly.

"Had to get it from somewhere…." Hidan mumbled under his breath.

"Itachi and Kisame," The two looked up at their names "Though you are an efficient team together, your success rate of crucial missions is low. You failed at retrieving the nine-tails and so far you have not made one of your quotas." Pein told them.

Kisame chuckled a little while Itachi remained silent and indifferent. "Well, we can't really take that as a fair assessment. Itachi-san and I hadn't been expecting to have a run in with Kakashi the Copy-Ninja, and Jiraiya one of the Leaf's Sannin in the same day." Kisame pointed out candidly.

"The reasons for your failure are not important. What is relevant to this meeting is that until Akatsuki can function proficiently as a true body, we will never achieve success or order." Pein said, looking at all of them one by one.

All of them were silent until one voice spoke up. "But Tobi has been a good boy!" The high-pitched voice of Tobi pointed out as though this compensated everything.

Pein sighed inwardly before speaking again. "In your case, Tobi, you and your partner can't last more than five minutes at a time without trouble happening, namely, Deidara trying to kill you."

"Oh yeah….." Tobi said thoughtfully. "Now I remember!"

Pein reached into his cloak and pulled forth the book he had been reading earlier. "This book is all about how to achieve efficiency within a group of diverse individuals. By reading it, I have concluded that in order to accomplish this, Akatsuki needs more than just a common goal to work towards. What every working group needs are common interests and activities that enhance teamwork." Pein spoke to them slowly and calmly. "Akatsuki will now take part in such activities on a regular basis. You all will need to pull each of them off successfully, and I will then evaluate how well you executed them. If your performance does not meet my standards, then you will all be severely punished." His eyes narrowed on the last few words.

"Execute them? Does that mean that we'll be executing people as our group activity?" Hidan asked excitedly. The other members paused to imagine what such a display would look like. One could see Hidan performing his regular sacrificial rites, Kakuzu on one of his vicious frenzies with his tentacles flying in every direction, Deidara would be blasting things left and right, Kisame would be hacking and shaving people apart with his huge Samehada, while Tobi….Tobi would most likely be lying around passed out from the sight of all the blood.

"No." Pein ended the vivid reverie with a single, sharp word. "These activities are to go beyond your collective….comfort zone, as the book says.

Hidan let out a groan of disappointment. "Well, then what the f### are we doing?" He demanded. The rest of the group looked to Pein anxious and expectantly.

Pein met their eyes once more and ended the silence at last with his answer. "Music Night."

"WHAT?" The entire group shouted in unison, all except Itachi who like usual, stood by indifferently.

"You all will take part in music night, starting tomorrow night. You all are to contribute one way or another. If one of you fails to keep up his part, or if your performance fails to satisfy me, then you will have failed, and therefore will receive severe punishment as a repercussion.

"You have got to be f###ing kidding me-"

"Not unless you paid me-"

"I will not trade my art for some worthless musical trash, un-

"Maybe it wouldn't be so bad….**As if I would degrade myself to such a thing**-"

"YAY!" The last one was from Tobi who received as many as five death stares at that moment, only counting one of Zetsu's halves.

"My word is final. You all have until tomorrow night to orchestrate a proper musical performance as an efficient group to my standards…..or else…." Pein finished, narrowing his purple eyes. "Dismissed!"

**In another part of the Akatsuki base….**

"I can't believe Leader-sama pulled this bullshit on us like this!" Hidan growled, storming into the remains of the lounge. The others followed in behind him and soon, all seven of them had gathered around the room.

"He can't honestly believe that this ridiculous assignment will work." Kakuzu grumbled.

"Oh he can…." The White side of Zetsu pointed out. **"And he does. If we do not comply with his demands…" **The black side left the sentence open.

"Tobi wants to pick the song!" Tobi waved his hand in the air excitedly.

Deidara smacked the back of Tobi's head. "As if! If we are going to take part in this assignment, I'll at least make certain that it will be a true work of art. That means no songs of your choice _at all!" _Deidara told him condescendingly.

Tobi sighed airily, but then perked up almost instantly. "Can Tobi at least sing the song Deidara-sempa-! The last syllable turned into a panicked shriek as Deidara stuffed a glob of chakra infused clay onto Tobi's mask threateningly.

"If you utter a single note, Tobi, I will turn you into a work of art too, yeah." Tobi saw that in Deidara's blue-grey eyes, he meant it, so he merely nodded quietly.

"Good. Now first things first: We need a good song. Any suggestions that _aren't_ from Tobi?" He asked mildly.

Kisame surprisingly enough, spoke up. "I believe the best choice for us would lie in heavy rock. It's a suitable style for us, and there would be many available roles to fill as far as instruments go." He began. "I may have just the right song, actually." Kisame went forward to the computer that had remained unscathed from the earlier explosion, and looked up the song of his choice. The other members crowed around the desk and listened as the song played, and when it was over, the majority of the group had picked it to be their song choice.

"Well, that was surprisingly easy, un." Deidara stated approvingly. "And I think it'll be quite simple to determine who will have what role in this band. Starting with me, I'll play the electric guitar." He elected. No one complained or opposed, and so it was decided that that would be Deidara's instrument.

"I was hoping to play some kind of guitar as well." Voiced Zetsu's white half. **"Like you know how to play an instrument." **Muttered the black half.

Deidara smirked. "You don't have to really. I think that if we gave you a double headed guitar, it would look just fine if you faked like you were actually playing it." He said.

"**Fine…" **Black Zetsu replied. "That should work just nicely." The white half added.

"Good. Now then, Kisame, I think you should be our lead singer since you know the song the best and because you have the right voice suited to it, yeah." Deidara told the blue-skinned swordsman.

Kisame considered the proposition thoughtfully before grinning at Deidara. "Yes why not? I think it might be a little fun." He said.

"Whoa, whoa wait a f###ing second!" Hidan interrupted. "Maybe I wanted to be the lead singer!"

Deidara rose an eyebrow at the white-haired Jashinist. "Can you sing?" He asked him.

"Of course I can sing shithead! Jashin-sama loves to hear hymns of his glory during rituals." He explained with a confident grin.

"Being able to sing and being able to sing _well_ are two different things, Hidan. You are incapable of the latter." Kakuzu said blatantly.

"What the f## are you talking about? That's bullshit, I'm a f###ing terrific singer!" Hidan shouted in anger. "If you don't believe me, you can just ask Jashin-sama, he loves my voice."

"Firstly, I am incapable of communicating with your deity, Hidan and even if I could, I wouldn't. Secondly, your god loves all things involving pain, murder, and death. Therefore your voice would suit him just fine."

"Are you f###ing kidding me?" Hidan demanded.

"No." Kakuzu replied simply. "You're unable to sing any note lower than a falsetto, and you're horribly out of key and tone. If you were to sing lead, we'd all be punished for sure, and I just want this absurd thing to be done and over with as quickly and easily as possible." Kakuzu concluded.

"Alright then, it's decided. Kisame will sing lead. Hidan, you can be the back-up singer." Deidara issued out the roles decisively.

"Deidara-sempai!" Tobi cut in at last. "If Tobi cannot be the singer, can Tobi at least play the drums?" He asked in a whining voice.

Deidara sighed and nodded. "Fine, fine. You can play the drums. Just no more singing out of you."

"Yay!" Tobi squealed happily.

"Okay, so that leaves….." Deidara began thoughtfully.

"I'll play the base." A quiet voice said. The others turned and stared at Itachi in shock, all except Kisame who was one of the only people who ever heard the reclusive Uchiha speak.

"It spoke…!" Tobi whispered in a state of awe.

"Umm…." Deidara murmured, meeting the eyes of the dark haired man. The black orbs stared back solidly and unfathomably as he offered no reason or motive for his choice, and Deidara found himself nodding slowly as if in a trance. "Yeah. Itachi will…play the base." He finished gradually.

At this, Itachi slunk back into the corner and said no more. Kisame could be heard chuckling to himself where he stood.

Deidara shook himself back into focus and turned about to look at the rest of the group. "Well seems we've assigned a part to just about everyone. All we're missing is…" He turned to Kakuzu. "Kakuzu. Are you up to playing an instrument?" He asked.

Kakuzu's pale green eyes narrowed into slits. "Will you pay me?" He inquired.

"Uhhh, no?" Deidara replied.

"Then I'll do sound check." Kakuzu responded flatly.

Deidara shrugged. "Fine by me, we needed a technical producer anyways." He then smirked. "I guess that means that we can now start practicing and getting ready for tomorrow night, right everyone?" Most of the others merely nodded while Tobi began dancing around and cheering in excitement. Then Kisame brought up a very good point.

"Just one question," The blue-skinned swordsman began. "Where do we get the instruments?"

The others turned to Deidara expectantly while the blonde-bomber did a sweat drop and sighed. "Right," He said, pausing to think it over. "I guess we'll just have to purchase so-"The look he received from Kakuzu halted him mid-speech. He quickly rethought his words. "I mean steal some…heh heh." He reiterated with a nervous laugh. The hard stare from the frugal bounty-hunter dissipated and Deidara breathed an inward sigh of relief that he hadn't incurred the wrath that Kakuzu was known for having when angered.

"Shall we go then?"

**The following night …..**

After many long, and in some cases, violent hours of practice the Akatsuki were finally ready to perform for Pein. They even decided to use their main cavern where they usual performed the extraction technique on Jinchurikis that they captured for its spaciousness. They had built up a large elevated stage in the center of the room, and Pein had already arrived and was sitting down with Konan in the front. The rest of the Akatsuki members were all huddled behind the stage prepping themselves for their first concert.

"Hey Kakuzu, how does my hair look?"

"I thought that I was playing that side…." "**If you were supposed to play that side, we would have practiced it that way!"**

"I am SOOOOOOO excited, Deidara-sempai!"

"Tobi, stop touching me or I'll stuff those drum sticks down your throat, yeah!"

"….."

"I should've demanded payment for this after all…."

"Well, I think we're all just about ready!" Kisame declared as he watched the others bustle around. He grinned and stepped up on stage. "Shall we begin, now?" He asked them.

Kakuzu sighed gruffly before stepping up. "I'll go back to the sound system and run some checks." He said, walking to the other side of the backstage area.

The rest of them filed onto the stage with Kisame and began readying their instruments.

"Places people!" Deidara barked as he strapped on his guitar. "It's time all of our efforts paid off." He declared with a big grin.

As Kisame took his place at center stage, he noticed that Itachi wasn't standing where he had normally done so at rehearsal, to his right. Instead, he was standing back more to the left almost behind the broad swordsman. Kisame wondered why this was the case but decided not to ask his partner about it. "Perhaps Itachi-san is stage fright." He thought to himself, laughing quietly at the thought of his cold fearless partner being nervous in fronts of crowds. Kisame shrugged and then focused his attention on his mike, checking it's volume and if it was working properly.

"Deidara-sempai, what is this weird stuff underneath the floor-boards of Tobi's drums?" The high-pitched voice of Tobi could be heard inquiring a few feet away.

"Oh never mind that stuff Tobi, it's just, uh…plaster. To hold the stage together." Deidara answered with a smile.

"Ohhh I see! Deidara-sempai is very smart!" Tobi mused to himself.

"Yeah, that's right, I am." The blonde replied smirking to himself.

At that moment, Pein spoke up from the audience. "You may begin now." He told them briskly.

The band members all nodded, and with that as their cue, they readied to play.

"All right! A one, a two, and a one, two, three-!" Tobi screamed excitedly, raising his drumsticks above his head in an X as he was about to start.

Deidara rounded on him and yelled. "Tobi, what the hell are you doing?"

Tobi halted and trembling he lowered his hands, and whimpered a little. "Deidara-sempai…" He sniffed.

"Shut up Tobi, just get ready to play and no more talking out of you, or so help me!"

With that said, Tobi broke out into sobs. "Deidara-sempai, stop yelling at me!" He cried. "I will be a good boy, I promise!" He vowed beseechingly.

Deidara sighed and rolled his eyes. In the audience, Pein raised an eyebrow impatiently while Konan patted his knee condolingly. "Right, Tobi…..alright, _now_ we will begin." With that said, they began.

The music took off instantly with a crashing flow of guitars, Deidara's electric guitar sounding the most clearly of them, while Tobi accompanied the music with his drums.

Kisame took hold of the mike and began to belt forth the lyrics in a rock and screamo-like style.

(_Yeah!)_

_Wait another minute_

_Can't you see what this pain has f###ing done to me?_

_I'm alive and still kicking _

_What you see I can't see and maybe_

_You'll think before you speak_

_I'm alive. For you_

_I'm awake. Because of you_

_I'm alive. I told you I'm awake_

_Swallowing you alive!_

The music went on to how it had been played in the beginning of the song, and then Kisame started the second verse.

_(Yeah!)_

_Take another second_

_Turn your back on me and make believe that,_

_You're always happy._

_It's safe to say you're never alive._

_A big part of you has died and by the way, _

_I hope you're satisfied._

_I'm alive. For you_

_I'm awake. Because of you_

_I'm alive. I told you I'm awake_

_Swallowing you alive!_

_I'm alive. For you_

_I'm awake. Because of you_

_I'm alive. I told you I'm awake_

The lyrics halted to a purely instrumental section, the electric guitar and base playing above the others, followed by the pounding drums. Then Kisame started back up singing the bridge of the song once more.

_Tearing it out unveiling me._

_Taking a step back so I can breathe!_

_Hear the silence about to break,_

_Fear resistance when I'm awake._

_Tearing it out unveiling me._

_Taking a step back so I can breathe!_

_Hear the silence about to break,_

_Fear resistance when I'm awake._

Deidara suddenly leaped forward on the stage in a passionate frenzy. "Guitar solo!" He screamed. His hands cruised over the cords of the guitar with speed, accuracy, and perfect coordination. While he flipped his long hair back and forth with vigor, the tongues on his hands flailed about crazily to the music. This kept up for a good while. Tobi happily remained in his seat, bouncing to the beat of his drums, Zetsu helped accompany Deidara with his guitar while Itachi played the underlining base notes to the song. At last, Kisame took up the mike, and proceeded to sing the final chorus, bringing their song to an end.

_Alive for you._

_I'm awake, because of you._

_I'm alive. I told you_

_I'm awake, swallowing you _

_I'm alive, I told you_

_I'm awake, Because of you_

_I'm alive, I told you I'm awake_

_Swallowing you, I'm alive!_

As the guitars played out the final notes, and as Tobi continued up with the powerful beat of the song, Deidara grinned and folded his hands into a hand-sign. "Time for my special effects" He thought to himself with anticipation.

"KATSU!"

Once the last notes had been played and the beat finally resided, the stage exploded in several pieces. Everything erupted into flames and noise as splinters of wood, instruments, electrical amplifiers, microphones, and of course the Akatsuki members themselves, went flying in every direction. When a few long moments had passed, Konan used her paper wielding technique to clear most of the smoke out of the cavern. Pein had once again saved them from Deidara's explosives . The same, unfortunately, couldn't be said for the rest of the Akatsuki.

Kisame had been blown forward off the stage and had been hit with much debris and rubble from the blast; Tobi had been flung straight up into the air with his drums and had been buried beneath the burning remains. As for Zetsu, the shockwave of the blast had hit him so hard that he actually had been split in half into his two separate clone bodies which were now laying on opposite ends of the room; the giant plant pod was now scorched and smoking.

Kakuzu could be seen limping away from the wall which he had been thrown back into but with his tough body, he seemed for the most part unscarred. But poor Hidan, it seemed for him, he had received the worst part of the blast as several of his limbs were now scattered all over the cavern. The only two members of the band that came out uninjured were Deidara himself, and Itachi.

Kisame struggled to sit up and looked over at Deidara in shock. Then seeing Itachi unscathed, he then understood what had taken place. "You knew that was going to happen all along didn't you, Itachi-san?" He inquired with a half-smile of disbelief.

"You know that my eyes can sense and see chakra. I knew that the clay had been placed directly onto the stage, I hadn't known for what purpose. I merely made certain not to stand directly over it." Itachi explained quietly.

Kisame managed a shaky chuckle before he fell forward onto the ground, groaning as he did.

"AH, WHAT THE F###ING HELL? YOU LITTLE BLONDE BITCH, YOU DID THIS ON F###ING PURPOSE DIDN'T YOU, YOU SHITHEAD!" Hidan's main body roared from where it laid as a helpless stump on the ground.

Kakuzu kicked one of Hidan's legs in his direction but it fell short on its skid. "Are you really that dense enough to have to ask, Hidan?" He asked flatly.

"WHEN I GET MY LEGS BACK, I AM GONNA-!" Hidan was cut short and his word turned into a grunt of pain as Tobi tripped over his upper torso.

"Owie…." The orange-mask wearing man moaned as he rubbed his head. "Sorry Mr. Hidan, but you are too loud. Tobi's head hurts." He whined, taking a seat on the floor beside the white-haired Jashinist. "Deidara-sempai, why did you hurt Tobi?" He cried sadly.

"Not just Tobi, all of us." "**Tell me why I shouldn't kill you right now, Deidara?"** Zetsu asked as the two halves approached the rest of them.

Deidara was grinning to himself, silent at first but then, at long last he answered. "I did what I'd said I'd do from the beginning." He started, looking around at all of them. "I turned our performance into a true work of art!" He declared raising his fist proudly.

"WHAT?" The rest of them yelled as a response.

"As you all should know by now…." Deidara smirked slyly. "ART IS A BANG!"

Pein, who was still watching the entire spectacle, did a small face palm and sighed quietly to himself. The members of Akatsuki all became aware of their leader's presence and became very nervous.

"So uh Leader-sama," Tobi began, stuttering as he spoke "Does this mean we'll be getting punished?" He asked meekly the question that they all were wondering.

Pein was quiet at first, and then he looked up at them and answered. "No. I think tonight in itself has punished you all enough as it is." He told them all. Before they could finish exhaling their collective sigh of relief, he continued speaking. "Just be better prepared for next weekend's theme." He commanded them with a hard stare.

They all looked at him in alarm to his words. "Next weekend…?"

Pein's purple rinnegan swirled seriously. "Yes. Next weekend….you will be doing team sports."


End file.
